February is a month associated with Valentine’s Day, a day commemorating loving relationships. Loving relationships by definition are not always romantic. As adults we have numerous relationships to manage and balance – be it with our relatives, neighbours, friends, co-workers, business associates, and even our children. Strained relationships are usually tricky and are for most part unpleasant… specially if they are with people who we interact with for most of our waking days.
What makes the teachings of Master Choa Kok Sui unique is that that the entire MCKS Pranic Healing and Arhatic Yoga system together provide answers to a large number of life’s problems – including relationships. If one were to understand the anatomy of a relationship, along with the principles that influence relationships, then we would be in a good position to enhance and harmonize our relationships with other people.
Anatomy of a Relationship
Relationships are of multiple types. There are physical relationships that have an element of physical interaction and contact including touching, embracing and intimacy. There are emotional relationships which are to do with tenderness, sweetness, kindness, companionship, sensitivity towards the other person’s needs, and helping each other. There are mental relationships, which are to do with sharing ideas, thoughts, perspectives, and the ability to have deep conversations without being bored. Then there are monetary relationships which one has with people who work with us such as employees, partners and suppliers. Finally, there are spiritual relationships which transcend all of these and gets into the realm of unconditional love.
So why is it that we sometimes have relationships which are painful? One way to understand it is through a simple experiment. Put your hands together and rub them vigorously. If you notice, your hands possibly feel warm. This is because of friction. We typically experience friction in relationships with those who we interact with very often. Ever noticed that we don’t argue too often with people we only meet once in a while? Most disagreements usually happen with people who we come into contact with frequently – such as family members, relatives, and collegues in the office.
Moreover, all relationships have a hidden dynamic. This hidden dynamic is energy. We are living in an ocean of energy. Energy is pervasive and has a tendency to affect every facet of our life… including our relationships. Have you ever observed that there are some people that make you feel positive and nice whenever you meet them? Have you also noticed that some people have you feel low and upset? The reason that this happens is because all relationships are finally based on an exchange of energy. Even words, thoughts and emotions have energy. Hence whatever you say, think or feel about a person also has a tendency to affect the other person (and hence the relationship with the other person).
What Causes Strained Relationships?
One of the most fundamental rules of energy as taught by MCKS is that “like quality energy attracts like quality energy.” The practical application of this rule is that you would tend to be attracted and drawn to people who have similar energy as yours. If you for example are a golfer, many of your friends will also be golfers. If you like drinking, then it is likely that you will also have friends who like drinking. If you are drawn towards spirituality, then it is likely that you would have several friends who also feel a spiritual thirst or spiritual yearning. If you are very productive and efficient in the workplace, then you would possibly also like others who are productive and efficient. Ultimately, opposites don’t attract… but it is like qualities that attract.
So what causes a relationship to become strained? As MCKS taught, like quality energy attracts like quality energy. Likewise, “Loving-Kindness attracts loving-kindness… anger and hatred attract anger and hatred.” The energy of a loving couple in an intimate relationship blends in a harmonious way, allowing love and good emotions to flow between them easily and freely. Conversely, when a couple is in a poor relationship, arguing and fighting, the energy fields don’t blend and flow. They actually clash and repel, manifesting as even more painful friction.
According to MCKS, one of the major reasons why a marriage tends to break down is because one or both the parties tend to use each other as a “psychic garbage can.” This means that if one experiences an extremely stressful day or if one is emotionally hurt by a third person, upon returning home the normal practice is to consciously or unconsciously dump or release the stress and emotional garbage on the other person. The result is normally heated exchange of words and in some cases physical violence. The effect is eventually a breakdown in a marriage.
A deeper understanding of this concept enables us to identify what is wrong with a relationship, and more important gain a perspective on what can be done to heal and harmonise a relationship.
Improving a Relationship
There can be friction between any two individuals which can result in a strained relationship. Thankfully, there is a “lubricant” for the friction which can normalize relationships. The lubricant comprises of love, tolerance, and forgiveness.
There are a few practical techniques that can be used to harmonize a relationship:
1. Be Realistic: A child will act like a child. You cannot expect a child to behave like an adult. As souls, all of us are in the process of evolving. All of us makes mistakes. None of us are prefect. As MCKS says, “Real loves makes you see things as they are.” This means that when you truly love someone, you see them as they are. So when they do something that upsets you, instead of judging them and feeling hurt and angry, you feel compassion for them. Moreover, the act of thinking well about someone stimulates or activates your heart chakra, which in turn makes you happier.
2. Blessing: From a spiritual standpoint, it is important to understand that when we project love, love is projected back to us. This follows from the Law of Karma. We have the Power to literally harness energy to create positive effects and invoke healing in our relationships. A powerful way to harmonize a strained relationship is through the technology of blessing. Steps involved are as follows:
- Visualize the person who you would like to improve your relationship with in front of you
- Raise your hands in the blessing position with your palms facing outwards
- Feel the love in your heart and mentally project the same towards the other person. Bless the person with sweetness, tenderness, inner peace, inner healing, good health, abundance and prosperity, and a better life.
- Visualize brilliant pink and golden light flowing out from your palms and flooding the aura of the person in front of you
Repeated blessing will result in gradual harmonization of the relationship you have with the other person. In case you come across people who are very nasty and troublesome, then give them a “double dose” of this loving energy i.e. spend more time blessing them.
3. Forgiveness: Another important factor in harmonizing a relationship is forgiveness. Forgiveness is not about who is right and who is wrong. It is a right thing to do by releasing the anger and resentment that makes us get boiling inside. Forgiveness is therapeutic. When someone is offended, he or she keeps on thinking about the offender and the unhappy experience over and over again, which leaves him or her angry, sad and often irritated. In fact, resentment is one of the reasons behind many severe physical problems such as kidney failure. The key to escape from feeling unhappy is in fact forgiveness. As MCKS taught, “Do not be unhappy. The past is the past! Let go, learn to Forgive and forget. Let Go and Go on Living!” Forgive others… not because it is the right thing to do, but because it is the smart thing to do.
4. Kind Thoughts and Kind Words: If you were to keep criticizing someone, then you will never be able to repair your relationship with them. On the mental level, people often put the faults and weakness of other people under a “microscope” rather than focusing on the positive traits. An easy technique is to mentally enhance the positive qualities that the other person has, no matter how small. First, silently do an inventory of their positive qualities. Then mentally praise the other person for the good things you see in them. And finally, physically praise them about their good qualities whenever you get the opportunity. Do this on a regular basis, especially when things are rough. Shower them with good energy and positive feedback. You will notice that the dynamic of the relationships will start changing for the better. The basis around why this technique works is because like quality energy attracts like quality energy. As the teaching by MCKS goes, “Loving-Kindness attracts loving-kindness… anger and hatred attract anger and hatred.” Also, as you consciously generate good thoughts about the person you don’t like, by the Law of Karma you in turn are entitled to receive the same from others.
5. Take an Energetic Shower: In Pranic Healing, to energetically heal and create successful and loving relationships, it is very important to practice the Meditation On Twin Hearts. This will help flush out the stress energies one accumulates from a stressful day. This powerful meditation first activates the Heart Chakra that helps you become more understanding towards others. Then the Crown Chakra is activated to experience Soul Oneness. This simple meditation is great for removing anger, stress and resentment, as well as enhancing the loving nature within you and others around you. It additionally helps if you can (if possible) meditate together along with the people you would like to improve your relationship with. This is advised for couples who are facing relationship issues. It is also encouraged that co-workers in an organization attempt to meditate in a group to facilitate a better working relationship.
6. Use Pranic Healing: Sometimes a painful event in the past has been so devastating that we cannot easily forget; or some emotional issues that are affecting our relationship such as stress, resentment, fear or low self-esteem seem to be very difficult to remove. In such cases Pranic Psychotherapy techniques can be very helpful to remove the unwanted feeling or behaviour from your system. Pranic Psychotherapy is basically Pranic Healing applied in the treatment of emotional and mental issues. What we call disturbing emotions or thoughts are basically energy forms. Thinking and feeling in fact produce psychic beings which are called “thought forms” and “thought entities” that are real and can influence you and other people. Unless these thought forms and entities are removed from the system, using techniques such as Pranic Psychotherapy, they remain in the person’s chakras and will continue to affect the person and the relationship with others. Pranic Psychotherapy in this case can be applied to heal multiple people and improve the relationships.
Good relationships don’t just happen. You need to work on your relationships. In general people think if they need to work on their relationships, then it is not the right relationship for them! However, just as we need to work on having a good health through physical exercise, proper diet and proper emotions, a good relationship also requires enough care and nurturing.